falling into dreams
by a-perfect-melody
Summary: wild, little Lily Luna, tearing through fields / crazy, little Lily, broken, shattered, lost / dazzling like stars- stars, Lily Luna / is it fun, Lily? being trapped in your own dreamworld?


**Falling into Dreams**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and accept no credit towards it. I am not the wonderful J.K. Rowling or any of her affiliates. Also, please note that there are references to Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and that I do not own this either.**

 **Warning: drug/alcohol abuse, very slight mentions of self harm**

 **Feedback is always appreciated!**

.

.

it takes a great deal to become broken

shattering into pieces, flailing like glass

dying and screaming and going insane

alcohol helps but drugs work better

small little sweets, pretty little things

escaping to a world which is safer, secure

prettier, lovelier, like Alice's Wonderland

which is crazy and broken but never mind

and nothing can ever take the pain away

sleeping away hours, into dreams

listening, listening, listening

you're going insane, sweetheart

but being insane- being insane is-

perfect, lovely, wonderful

awful, lonely, despairing

but you're alone so who do you run to?

the pretty white sweets, of course, dear

are you surprised?

at what you've become?

a shell with hollow eyes and limp hair-

what did you expect, sweetheart?

a fairytale ending like your parents?

like your brothers?

perfect, shining, golden boys, not like you

not like you, sweetheart

you're insane, didn't you realise?

wild, little Lily Luna, tearing through fields

fields with white daises and buttercups

do you like butter, sweetheart?

crazy, little Lily, broken, shattered, lost

is it fun, Lily?

being trapped in your own dreamworld?

set free, more like

you've always found more love in dreams

sleeping peacefully with white sweets

does this make you happy, sweetheart?

dying all alone, lost in a dreamworld

like a dove, soaring through hope

but there is no hope for the broken, Lily

you know that better than anyone

you're dying and decaying and insane

nothing like your namesake

such a disappointment, little Lily Luna

shaking heads and furrowed brows

cigarette smoke on your lips

red lipstick smeared across white teeth

not like lovely Rosie or perfect Victoire

just a disappointment, sweetheart

the youngest, the little one

the one who stumbles while everyone flies

but you never liked flying much, anyway

flying is for your perfect brothers

for your chosen one father

for your quidditch player mother

flying is not for you, sweetheart

you prefer falling, don't you, darling?

disappearing into dreams

into Alice's Wonderland

never mind, sweetheart, they're all broken too

haven't you seen your family?

how daddy wakes up screaming

and mummy cries in the kitchen

and uncle George can't leave his room

broken, just like you

only there's nobody who knows

that you're spiralling slowly into dreams

it's easier

to pretend you're a part of something

you see

your brothers are golden

and so everyone expects you to be

your father is the chosen one

shame you can't live up to him

your mother is a war veteran

a fighter, not like you

you're a coward, sweetheart

choosing white sweets to block out pain

a spineless mistake

a mistake, Lily Luna, do you hear?

and there's nobody to fix you

because nobody cares, sweetheart

that's not true-

yes, it is, darling

does James ever notice the blood red cuts?

does Albus see the blankness in your eyes?

of course not

because nobody expects you to be broken, sweetheart

and daddy always says you look like Lily

the real Lily that is

but you don't, sweetheart, don't be silly

because she was a hero and you're just a girl

and you want to be noticed, so much

so you cut your hair and pierce your nose

and mummy's shocked at first

but, after all, sweetheart, you're sixteen

you can do what you want

sort of

if what you want is to fall

and it is, isn't it, Lily?

to fall into Wonderland

to a fairytale of your own

daddy has his story and mummy has hers

what's your story, sweetheart?

how is the world going to remember you?

the girl who was insane

who fell into dreams

who lived through white sweets

and red lipstick and mistakes

the girl who was forgotten

never mind The Boy Who Lived, you're the girl-

the girl who was forgotten

tragic, isn't it, sweetheart?

but hardly surprisingly

your family are legends

you are not

your brothers have their perfect endings

where's yours?

you thought you loved Scorpius, once

but he didn't love you

he loves Rose, beautiful, sane Rosie

it was a disaster in the making anyway

sweetheart, you're better off without him

falling into dreams alone

and you've graduated school, darling

you've made it

and what to do now?

get a job like your brothers?

get married and have kids and die old?

some life, Lily Luna

so you take more white sweets

numbing the desperation, the insanity

the derailing of Wonderland

it's cracking, sweetheart

your perfect, fantastical world

not yours, Alice's

nothing is yours, really

not even your name, sweetheart

it belongs to women far greater than you

and so you turn to cigarettes and smoke

hiding away in a grey vapour

holing up in your room

burning your lungs but saving your brain

whiskey is always good too

damaging but dazzling

truly dazzling, sweetheart

dazzling like stars- stars, Lily Luna

you can see the stars, sweetheart

you can dance, with your delirious body

falling and fainting

back into dreams

twisted, ugly dreams with red eyes

and high pitched voices

not like Wonderland, Lily Luna

this is hell, sweetheart

and you're killing yourself, slowly

so slowly that nobody notices

not even daddy and you two were so close

or mummy who held you tight at night

nobody

nobody, sweetheart

and who's fault is that?

yours, darling

insane Lily Luna who's cracking inside

like a mirror, like Wonderland

breaking into pieces

shattered, showering pieces

like fireworks

like explosions

you're an explosion, Lily Luna

an explosion of red lipstick and cut hair

an explosion of insanity

screaming, shattering, slowing

maybe someone will notice now

daddy, mummy, Jamie, Al, can't they see?

see how broken you are, Lily Luna

broken like daddy

like mummy

like aunties and uncles and grandparents

but you're insane too

insane and broken, sweetheart

and what to do, Lily Luna?

fall into dreams, beautiful dreams

not like hell which is plagued by evil

pale skin, red eyes, slit nostrils

daddy, why is he crying?

cold, cold laughter

why is daddy screaming?

no, Lily Luna, you're insane

it's in your head

nothing's real, sweetheart

and you can't tell reality from dreams

and it is both terrifying and exhilarating

a rush of horror

a thrill of excitement

go on, sweetheart

into Wonderland

with cigarettes and sweets and whiskey

red lipstick, choppy hair, and dull eyes

it's been a while since you smiled

properly

not a fake one, put on for mummy

and you should tell her but you can't

tell her that you're slowly vanishing

and you need help

but you don't want to leave your dreams

because they're a part of you now

the insane part

so you stay in your dreamworld

slowly falling through the air

like flying but better

more sweets and cigarettes and whiskey

more, more, more

until that's all you do

drugs and dream

it's a nice life, Lily Luna

you're already insane, sweetheart

what harm can it do?

oh, so, so much, sweet, innocent Lily Luna

but nobody's telling you any different

so you continue

with cigarettes, sweets, and whiskey

until, one morning, you don't wake up at all

and daddy screams and mummy sobs

but it's okay, sweetheart, don't cry

you're falling, look

falling into dreams

.

.

 **Okay, so I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. This is very different from what I've done before as it's more in poem form but leave me a review and let me know what you thought.**

 **Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day/night!**

 **Xx**


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